Jump to content


LIQUID LIGHT


  • Please log in to reply
4 replies to this topic

#1 Marina

Marina

    Debut

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 134 posts

Posted 14 May 2011 - 05:01 PM

LIQUID LIGHT

Liquid light
shining,
burning bright
on
a summer's day,

dreams
come my way
floating
on an ocean wave,
carressed,
in moonlight bathed,
remembered
secret delight,

sending
shivers of light
flashing,
into my spirit
branded,
eternally with
deep
sensual passion



#2 bikerbrom

bikerbrom

    Waiting For The Sun

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,235 posts

Posted 16 May 2011 - 03:34 PM

Nice one, I like all of it, apart from the word 'explicit' at the end,
maybe end it:

branded
eternally with deep
sensual
passion!


#3 Marina

Marina

    Debut

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 134 posts

Posted 16 May 2011 - 04:15 PM

slight modifications going on, here is my new ending!

#4 bikerbrom

bikerbrom

    Waiting For The Sun

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,235 posts

Posted 18 May 2011 - 01:36 AM

QUOTE (Marina @ May 16 2011, 05:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
slight modifications going on, here is my new ending!


Looks good to me!


#5 Marina

Marina

    Debut

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 134 posts

Posted 23 May 2012 - 01:20 PM

QUOTE (Marina @ May 14 2011, 07:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
LIQUID LIGHT

Liquid light
shining,
burning bright
on
a summer's day,

dreams
come my way
floating
on an ocean wave,
carressed,
in moonlight bathed,
remembered
secret delight,

sending
shivers of light
flashing,
into my spirit
branded,
eternally with
deep
sensual passion.







0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users